Good morning class. I have read your papers on why gas prices are so high today following Hurricane Ike. Everyone of you failed, miserably, except for Ms. Gnoital.
The bad news is that all but one of you will be spending tonight re-writing your papers. The good news is you now qualify for public office or a job in the media. Please! please! Practice patting yourself on your back on your own time. You are grotesquing me out with these pretzel movements.
Now class, last week we discussed what people do when gas prices are falling. Well, actually I talked about it and only Ms. Gnoital was paying attention. OK, you avoid filling up your tank today because prices will be lower tomorrow. Gas stations do the same thing. What's that? You always fill up your tank because your Dad is paying for it? That is the greater fool theory -- we'll get into that next quarter.
So, gas stations kept their supplies low AND their suppliers kept their supplies low for the same reason - wanting to buy cheaper tomorrow. What happens if the refineries suddenly shut down for a hurricane? Anyone? Anyone? Ms. Gnoital, give the others a chance, please. Jesus, Joseph, and Mary you're all dumb enough to be Governor of Georgia -- stop it! stop with the back patting!
The result is, there's no gas. As soon as one station runs out and the news spreads everyone takes their almost empty tank and fills it up. Not only their gas tank, but their gas cans, their lawnmowers, their leaf blowers and all the empty two liter pop bottles in the recycle bin.
The gas station was already low before this started and every time the owner checks wholesale prices they see it climbing out of sight -- they panic, too. They start rising their prices so they'll have enough money on hand to buy the next 10,000 gallon tank of gas when they run out. That was the correct answer to last night's paper.
So, for tonight's re-write. I want one thousand words on what should happen next to avoid situations like these. Be warned! If you say that the government should investigate price gouging or that you should write an editorial blasting gas stations, not only will you get an F: You will also have to take Ms. Gnoital out to dinner.
This silliness is based on facts. You can find some links on this at my companion blog, Inside the Nest.
