- Clean Up Dog Vomit
- Pick up dead bird in Tristan's Room
- Fix Downstairs toilet
I am used to my wife's efficency. I am also used to her opinion that all men are gross so it doesn't matter if you toss gross stuff at his first bite of breakfast and, after all, I warned him not to look.
If they had told me that my job description would include what it includes, I might have asked for a little more detail in the pre-nup. Not that it would have mattered. I told her up front that I would not do yard-work. That lasted until, when in one of those scattered thunderstorms of belt-tightening, she fired the yard man.
Having just saved money, she went shopping and left me to go borrow a lawn mower. She even magnanimously saved more money and bought me a lawn mower for Father's Day. I did not regain my safety from the yard until she wanted to buy a house and needed my signature on a contract. I got it in writing.
This did not mean, however; that I was free of the ick rule. Since all men are gross, they are naturally qualified to do all jobs having to do with ick.
- Toilets
- Capture and remove all animals, living or dead,
- Ditto bugs,
- TRIPLE Double ditto spiders (!),
- Clean up pet effluvia,
- Plus anything else icky we missed,
- Oh, and take out the trash.
My elastic job description has grown over the years, sometimes unexpectedly. When I would protest that I shouldn't have to do all the icky jobs, she would inform me. "You are the MAN. These are YOUR jobs."
Like most Southern Women, my wife is not a feminist. Feminism talks about such silliness as equality -- why should she share power? Linda Ronstadt admits that she was a feminist until Dolly Parton told her to quit being a fool and get with the program.
All things being equal, I would say that her picking up every other dead bird brought in by the cat would be a good thing. Actually, I wouldn't say that because I don't need to lose any more arguments about domestic duties.
Besides, I can now exercise the time-honored male method for dealing with the Honey Do list. I push it off on my sons. It's good for them. Gets them ready for domestic bliss.
