Since I could not find what I wanted, I have created my own money saving advice that is worth exactly what you paid for it.
Quit Eating Diet Foods - The only diet food that costs the same as regular food is Diet Cola. Smart Ones Double Chocolate Rich Eclairs cost twice as much as the regular ones in the bakery. Do they make you skinny? Of course not! Diet food just makes you feel less guilty about eating and being fat. Instead, try being guilty about spending so much cash at the grocery store. There are lots of fat poor people in the world... and you can join most of them for a money saving supper at Ryan's.
Eat Your Pantry -- If your pantry is like mine, it has canned foods that you or your wife purchased while in a dream. You dreamed you might actually eat canned okra with tomatoes someday. Make your dream come true and eat all the food you've been neglecting. Think of it as penance for all those real chocolate eclairs you are now eating.
Drive Real Slow - A heavy foot eats up gas. Instead of rushing everywhere, slow down. Drive the minimum speed limit. Put the car in neutral and coast down hills; see how far you can go before you have to put the car back in drive. Keep the stereo loud to drown out the honking. Wave and say thank you to all the people giving you the finger, the thumb, or the arm. Isn't saving money fun?
Quit Watching Television - Careful, this could lead to a very expensive event called divorce if your wife is addicted to reality TV shows. Get her permission first. You will save a ton on Cable TV bills, Ronco Rotissary Ovens, Time-Life collections, and orange flavored cleaners. Who are these people who taste their spray cleaner, anyway?
Get Rid of Your Dog - Food bills, vet bills, new furniture, new rugs, and on and on and on. A dog will cost you a $1000 a year or more. Getting rid of fido is easier than you think. Just slip off his collar, let him out the front door, and then call animal control to complain about him. Your cat will thank you for it.
Convert to a Gas Water Heater. They are more efficient and will save you money in the long run. This is a shameless plug. I put it in here because I work for the Gas Company. Making more money is always more fun than saving it.
and a final solution to saving money....
Commit Suicide - Admittedly, this is an extreme option that is illegal; but, what are they going to do, jail your corpse? Being dead is very cheap and only a worry to those who fear going to Hell. If you consider this option, convert to Hinduism first. Hindus get to come back to life as other animals, live much cheaper, and have more fun than you do now. Take rabbits for example. All they do is eat, copulate, sleep, and leave a young, good looking corpse. It's the kind of life I could enjoy over and over.
If you have any interesting ways to save money (as opposed to boring obvious ones) please share by hitting the comment link below.
Oh, and there are actual, boring, money saving links now up on Inside the Nest.
